Confessions
by nameless and forgotten
Summary: Today had been no different and he hated to admit that the pained expression in Gillian's features when he saw her last was all too familiar to him. Cal/Gillian


**Title**: _Confessions_  
><strong>Rating<strong>: hmm PG-13ish?  
><strong>Pairing<strong>: Cal/Gillian  
><strong>Words<strong>: 1453  
><strong>Notes<strong>: I didn't even want to write this, but ugh, my friend tricked me into doing it anyway. Feedback would be oh so lovely  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: If I owned anything, this show would still be running…

Cal Lightman was not the kind of man who thought much about the consequences of his actions (despite his above average IQ). Not when it came to one of his cases; it was the truth that mattered most and he put it above his own health time and time again. He was vaguely aware that his partner and friend, Gillian Foster, was not happy with that behavior, but even though he would do almost anything for her, he had never managed to spare her feelings when he was on a case. Once he had set his mind on finding the truth, not even Gillian could stop him. As much as Cal hated seeing her hurt by him, his mind seemed to blend out any possible consequences after he had come to a certain point in his truth finding process.

Today had been no different and he hated to admit that the pained expression in Gillian's features when he saw her last was all too familiar to him. Alone in his office, he went through the events of the day in his head. Of course now, after everything had happened, he could admit to himself that he had been reckless once again; no matter how clearly he realized those facts _now_, he knew just as well that he would do it again – risk his own neck for the sake of the truth. For a moment he wondered when he had become so obsessed with it, with the truth. Had he always pursued it quite this fiercely? Perhaps he had, but he had never been as aware of the risks it entailed as he was now. Gillian. Gillian, the heart of his company. Gillian, who was a lot more than _just_ that. She had always been a loyal friend; certainly the most loyal one he'd ever had. He knew that she deserved better – so much better, and he just couldn't give it to her.

With a sigh, Cal threw the pencil he'd been twirling in his hands on his desk and got up. If he could just be _better_, if only for her sake.

After pacing his office for a while, he left it, hoping to find Gillian still in hers. He hadn't talked to her after he'd seen the hurt look in her face. Guilt had driven him to hide out in his office and he was quite aware of that. He owed her an apology at least. The apologies he gave were always quite heartfelt, but, as apologies worked, he could only ever tell her he was sorry _after_ he'd already caused her pain.

As he was walking towards her office, his steps grew more hesitant. It wasn't the actual apology he dreaded, it was the look on her face. Her forgiving smile, combined with the pain in her eyes that should make it impossible for her to accept any apology he was offering, but time and again she did just forgave and forgot. What had he ever done to deserve her? He had asked himself the same question so often and yet it remained unanswered. He had asked Gillian, too, but she had merely laughed and asked him if he was being serious. Of course he had been serious, but he could tell from her expressions that she didn't think she was something he could _deserve_. A light slap on his shoulder followed by a kiss on the corner of his mouth had been her response the last time he'd asked...

Cal had reached Gillian's office and realized, with a strange mixture of relief and disappointment rushing through his body, that her lights were out. First he drew the obvious conclusion: that she had gone home (although, he thought, it would have been very uncharacteristically of her to not say goodbye to him). Then, at second glance, he noticed a huddled figure in her armchair in the dim light the hallway was giving off.

"Oh Gillian, you couldn't have picked the sofa to fall asleep on?," he murmured, getting closer to her sleeping form, then crouching down to have a better look at her. In the half light, the worry lines on her face seemed more pronounced (his fault, he guessed). While he usually enjoyed watching Gillian's face that never seemed to hide anything from him, those lines stung him sharply, knowing that he had caused them. "I'm sorry, darling. You know I never mean to hurt you... right?" Neither receiving nor expecting a response, and once again taking in the whole of Gillian's sleeping form, Cal's face softened again. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and then picked her up in one swift motion. Standing still, he took a moment to enjoy the weight of her body in his arms, her closeness, the faint scent of her perfume that had worn off over the day in his nostrils... and the arms she had subconsciously wrapped around his neck.

Almost hoping that time would stand still for a while, he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, his heart jumping slightly in his chest; then he broke the frozen scene and crossed the few steps to Gillian's sofa. Before he set her down, he hugged her close for a second, carefully letting her down with regret filling up his chest.

Tenderly, he untangled Gillian's limbs and stretched them out on the couch, bringing her into a more comfortable position; then he reached for the neatly folded blanket at the foot end of the sofa and spread it out over her to keep her from getting cold during the night. Crouching down into a position quite similar to the one before, he reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, before caressing her cheek lightly, his affection for her quite obviously showing on his face. Yet again mirroring his earlier actions, he gave her another kiss (placing it on her cheek this time). Only moving away from her ever so slightly, he closed his eyes and whispered "I love you, Gillian Foster." before quickly turning away.

Unnoticed by Cal, Gillian had actually woken up as he'd lifted her out of the armchair, but endured (or rather: enjoyed) the process in a semi-conscious state of mind. Only after his confession her eyes flew open as her heart jumped to her throat. Instantly wide awake, she contemplated her further actions for a fraction of a second, then extended her arm and just barely got hold of Cal's hand before he was out of her reach. Jumping visibly at the unexpected touch, he stopped abruptly in his movements, but did not turn to face her. It took more than one gentle pull from her to finally get him closer and when he did, he still refused to meet her eyes. She tugged again and successfully got him to sit down, even though his eyes were still cast down and the silence between them was slowly turning into awkwardness. Gillian shook her head lightly in disbelief; he had always read her face like a book, but now, when it could possibly matter the most, he refused to even look at her. She chuckled softly at the sight before her, Cal reminding her a lot of a little boy expecting a mother's lecture or even a beating, when there was absolutely no reason for him to be like this.

Removing her hand from his, she placed it on his cheek instead, caressing the stubble on his unshaven face, before gently forcing him to look at her. "I love you too, you idiot! Can't you see?" Gillian finally broke the silence, a smile slowly lighting up her face. She watched him closely and shook her head once again at his refusal to accept or even acknowledge her statement; as a last resort, she leaned in and kissed him. Their lips had met so many times before, casual kisses having long been integrated in their day's schedule, but this? It had to be special enough to convince him of her truthfulness. Inching closer, Gillian took Cal's face in both hands and leaned further into their kiss. Nipping slightly at his bottom lip, she was pleased to be granted entrance to his mouth and continued kissing him decisively. When he finally started to take action himself, Gillian broke off the kiss. As she wiped away the traces of her lipstick on his face, a smile crossed her face as she was briefly reminded of their undercover stint at the porn studio. But – letting the past be just that, she snapped back into the present instantly, meeting his lips for another brief moment.

"Do you believe me now?"


End file.
